You can’t be just an ornament to decorate my life. No. You must be the absolute fiber, breath, substance of my life. Must be. There is no way you could be “only kind of” anything— ALL OR NOTHING.
(semi-inspired by go hard or go home.. - Lecrae
some days, months, years, I have a really really really strong desire to go back to square one.
I think that is where I am now. (not square one)
I want to erase everything and have a blank slate. I want fresh.
I miss simplicity, joy in the midst of despairing circumstances, and laughter. It’s not that I’ve been absolutely miserable recently, but there’s been an overarching, overbearing, overwhelming sense of worry and confusion and “lost”-ness.
and frustration with self. a lot of that.
Teach me how to wade past these cloudy days.
Heh. A friend in high school wrote on a ripped piece of paper, “Jesus is a rainbow on a cloudy day.”
It is good to know earth is not the end - ! :)
Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves,
when our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little, when we arrive safely because we sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord, when with the abundance of things we possess,
we have lost our thirst for the waters of life, having fallen in love with life, we have ceased to dream of eternity, and in our efforts to build a new earth, we have allowed our vision of the new heaven to dim.
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, to venture on wider seas, where storms will show your mastery, where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars. We ask you to push back the horizon of our hopes, and to push us into the future in strength, courage, hope, and love. This we ask in the name of our Captain, who is Jesus Christ.
Francis Drake (via la-melomanie)
I really cared about what other people thought about me and I would go out of the way to make them happy at my own expense. But they would end up doing what they wanted anyway. I kept trying to get over them, like it wasn’t a big deal or I did it wrong: but soon found quickly, I had to get over myself first.
I had to quit trying to control the world around me with a desperate twisted-up death grip. I had to learn that part of love is letting go of other people’s perceptions and just letting them love me on their own. It matters less now what people think of me and just that they think at all. So I started saying ‘no’ more often: because not everything is okay with me and I shouldn’t have to explain myself. My happiness is not contingent on you getting some fake yes-version of me.
Occasionally we let someone in, we open the folds of our insecurity and give access to the darkest parts of us. We hand over the key, and it’s terrifying. And sometimes they bump into a raw nerve, they say a callous insensitive remark, they ridicule a strange notion we have, they poke at our dreams just a bit. It hurts pretty bad and we push them out and fold up fast. We remind ourselves, “This is why I don’t let anyone in.” And we run.J.S. (via jspark3000)
It’s right here that most people apologize like crazy. They feel terrible. They were trying to figure out how to navigate the labyrinth of your wonderful story. It’s like holding a tiny flash light in a cave of a new world. They didn’t mean to provoke those old wounds. They didn’t mean to poke fun at your dreams. They considered it an honor that they held the key, even for a few frenzied moments.
Intimacy takes work, trust, wounds, hurts, sculpting in the dark: and that takes time. It takes more than a single chance. Of course we can close the doors, at any second, when we know it just won’t work. But there are many opportunities if we had trusted a little longer, reset the tempo, and spoke up louder: it would’ve been okay. Bridges would be built. New stories are made. You find your hand closing around theirs. They begin to traverse the folds of your heart with ease, and they learn to say those things which give life, which give freedom, which grow dreams. Intimacy is formed out of stumbling, but further down the path: there is so much light, so much laughter, so many steps to the horizon together.
This is probably the nerdiest thing I’ve ever. My pokémon nerd and theology nerd combined into one super nerd. So, I hope you find this funny. I did.
Pokémon Theme Song, Abraham Edition
I want to see the nations blessed
Like no one ever has
To give birth to a family
as numerous as the stars
I will travel into this land
That God gave as a sign
Of the covenant where babies boys
Will all be circumcised
Gotta bless them all!
This righteous seed
I know he will rescue me
Oh it all begins
With a world we must defend
His word is true
His promise makes all things new
You and me, Gentile and Jew
Gotta bless’em all!
Gotta bless’em all!
I’m gonna open a Christian bakery called graceabons, because where cinnabons, graceabons even more.